Every journey starts with a beginning. Kinda obvious really!
I’ve been on a few inner journeys in the past. But this one started about two months ago.
Honestly, I’ve been unhappy for the best part of two years. I’ve been emotionally a wreck. My physical health has been average. My personal habits have been poor.
This journey began with the decision that I wanted to cut down my drinking and lose a bit of weight before my recent trip to Las Vegas.
I set myself a forty day challenge which I shared on Facebook everyday. I decided to eat more nutritiously (I HATE the term healthily), drink two litres of water every day, eat no sugary food, exercise every day, not to eat past 8pm and drink alcohol once a week.
The alcohol thing? I was gonna go forty days without alcohol, but in real life it wasn’t sustainable. Social events come up, right?
I decided on drinking once a week, instead of everyday, which I had been doing.
At the end of the 40 days, I’d lost about 11lbs. A resounding success.
One of the unexpected effects of my new commitment to health was a big upturn in my emotional and mental state. I began to feel better about myself and about life. Another side effect was that I decided to dress better. I felt my old self coming back. Something I’d not felt for nearly two years.
I think this is a good place to rewind a little…
2018 Was A Write Off
2018 I spent mostly depressed, anxious and with bouts of suicidal thoughts. The end of 2017 had gone very wrong for me. I walked away from my social circle and my part time job, due to a massive falling out/misunderstanding with a couple of people.
I was hurt. I was grieving. I felt tired. Tired of life, tired of trying. I was broken. My coaching business which had started to gain some traction went down the pan, due to how I was feeling emotionally and mentally.
I went back on anti depressants to help stabilise my mood. They helped a little. What didn’t help was that my alcohol intake was counteracting a lot of the good my meds should have been doing.
All of the good habits I had built up in the previous four years disappeared. I had no goal, no vision, no desire to really live.
This was pretty much me for about 15 months. Enduring life. Existing day by day, looking forward to not being at work, and being an emotional rollercoaster.
Then my journey began with the decision to improve my physical health.
After a few days, clarity of mind started to come back. The foggy cloud that was being fed by alcohol and sugar started to dissipate. I realised that the way I was choosing to live wasn’t working. My emotional, sensitive side was running amuck and was causing me great unhappiness.
This was a massive eye opener for me. I had taken pride in the fact that I was emotional and sensitive. I had proclaimed “This is who I am”. The real truth is that it was consuming me, killing me. I was over emotional. I was allowing anything and everything to affect my mood. I had no centre.
I began to seek a new way of being.
To be continued,