Facebook Musings

Being A Man In His Forties

The big thing about being in your forties is the we’re no longer a young man.

I mean, we’re not old.

We’re in between and it kinda feels weird. It’s like the adolescence of adulthood! …

One minute you feel old. The next minute you still feel young. It’s terribly confusing!

The painful issue we have is we know we’re not young anymore and we’re probably closer to our death than our birth.

AND THE THOUGHT OF THAT STINGS.

Those dreams we had. Those hopes. Those goals.

We used to have time to make them happen.

We were in our twenties. The world was still full of possibilities.

Then we hit our early thirties. “We’re still young”, is what we told our self.

And the years rolled on.

Suddenly we hit the big 4 0.

That rocked us a bit. Like a right cross to the jaw.

Now?

Our old dreams and goals mock us like the school yard bully.

Our youthful enthusiasm has now become jaded pessimism.

Depression,

Frustration,

Hopelessness.

These are what flood our minds at night, lying in bed trying to go to sleep.

Is this our destiny?

An endless cycle of regret and defeat?

Or

Can we come to the ACCEPTANCE that life didn’t go to plan.

And ask the powerful question…

NOW WHAT?

Life Isn’t Instagram

It’s not Facebook.

Everybody has their low moments as well as their highlights. …

They have days where they struggle with their weaknesses. Days like you, when you just want to go to bed to end the day.

We all have days when we “fail”.

You’re the same as everyone else. I’m the same as you.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance to go again. A new chance to continue your journey of being the best version of you.

Don’t despair. Don’t worry.

We’re all the same.

Maybe today, you just take some deep breaths and be kind to yourself

Who You Are Doesn’t Matter

We try and make a story up about who we are. We try to define what we are. Our characteristic and our personalities, so we can proudly shout from the proverbial rooftops, “This is who I am.”

I’ve spent long portions of my life trying to work out who I am and all it did was left my with feelings of confusion….

Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?

Whirling around my head, spiralling, getting nowhere with the question. Wishing for an answer.

ARRRGGGGHHHHH!

I think I was believing that once I knew who I was, everything in life would drop into place, as if it was the key to the golden door where everything I wanted was behind that door.

You know what?

I’ve given up searching for the answer. It’s a fools journey. A red herring.

Defining who we are limits us. It creates persona’s and masks. It puts us in a box. It creates stress.

Who we are CANNOT be defined.

Because we are full of possibilities, behaviours and outcomes. We have the whole spectrum of feelings and emotions inside us.

You see

It’s all about today, it’s all about now, and who you decide to be. How you choose to show yourself to the world as.

Yesterday has gone and it doesn’t matter how good or wonderful or kind you were then.

What about who you’re showing up as today?

Tomorrow? Worry about that tomorrow!

You can show up anyway you want to today. Tomorrow you can be different.

Why take it all serious? Let’s have some fun.

And as usual, I’m addressing myself, reminding myself of this truth. If you find value, then it was worth me typing this out.

Did you notice?

Yesterday, I slipped up in a post. I caught it about twenty minutes after I posted it.

I wrote this, …

“Life is hard”

An unconscious belief surfaced. I edited the post to a more truthful statement, “Life can be hard.”

It did give me chance to think about this though. Anytime we can ponder over our beliefs is a good thing.

So is life hard?

No, it’s not .

Is life easy?

No, it’s not.

Life is just life.

We’re born, we have experiences, we make some decisions, we die.

Life can be hard for sure. And we don’t all have the same start. Some are more fortunate than others.

For me life has been hard at times. But has that been life’s fault?

No, it’s been mine. I’ve made some poor decisions, there’s no point in denying it. I’ve caused life to be hard.

Along the way I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse. They certainly haven’t helped. But it isn’t life’s fault.

Life doesn’t play favourites, it doesn’t pick sides, it has no morality, it just is.

I make my experience hard or I make it easy, through my decisions. We all do.

I’m glad I wrote, “Life is hard”, it gave me the opportunity to examine this belief and realise I’m wrong.

Life is what we make it for as long we have it.

Life can be hard, but you know what makes it harder?

When we react to everything around us.

Something I’m learning. You see I’ve been the King of reacting. Flying off the handle, getting stressed, getting sad and out of sorts over silly things that don’t matter (though I make them matter down to my feelings and reaction).

The key is right there in the above sentence… …

Things that don’t matter.

We often think most things matter. The truth is MOST THINGS DON’T. Think about the last few things you reacted to, so they actually matter? Will they be important in a month, in a week, in a day?

Let’s compare reacting verse responding.

Reacting is emotional, it’s not thought out. Something happens and BAMMMM we behave in a certain way without a second of thought.

Responding is taking a moment to think and deciding what we want our behaviour to be and who we want to be in the next moment.

Something I’m working on and I’m doing a lot better at it. Life is so much better when we stop reacting to everyone and everything.
Stress comes down.

We feel happier.

We’re healthier.

I no longer want to be the King of Reacting. I put down that crown.

And I’m gonna keep working at it. Day by day, moment by moment.

It’s easy not to love our self.

Social media is conditioning us to compare our lives with others.

Advertising and marketing keeps forcing the message that with out this product and that product we’re not complete. …

We don’t feel sexy enough,

Clever enough,

Funny enough,

Charismatic enough,

We haven’t got enough money,

Our house isn’t nice enough.

And it goes on.

The messages that surround us are telling us that we’re second rate.

Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts are rampant.

I’ve suffered with all three.

For our own sanity we have to disconnect from these false message that keep banging on that we’re not enough.

WE ARE.

YOU ARE.

Their messages are false.

YOU ARE PLENTY.

Tune out of anything that makes you feel less. Stop listening to it. See their lies and know they don’t have your best intentions at heart.